Meh-esda

Know how sometimes you'll be watching a movie and you'll guffaw without knowing you were about to? Yeah, the Fallout series didn't do that for me once... Actually, I'm struggling to remember a single instance I found entertaining (though that could be because, somewhere past the halfway mark, I started skipping ahead).

I'm not sure what other reviewers were under the influence of to call it a "post-apocalyptic blast" and claim it had "protagonists (you) care about" (maybe that inhaler that magically turns you into a Ghoul?); but – to me – it was just another case of "oh, we can do better" TV arrogance that thought it could cram 157 hours of game-play and lore into eight hours of film in a year's less time than it took to make the original Fallout. In short — I didn't like it.

The writing was an odd mix of complacency (a verbatim re-telling of concepts and events from the games); and uninventive, unamusing – what I'm going to call – "originality" (of the caliber you'd find in your run-of-the-mill soap opera). The characters were boring, the language – pointlessly vulgar – and the violence so over-the-top, it'd make even Meh-esda (in all its gory FPS glory) blush.

All I'll say is that if evil corporations (by which I don't mean Vault-Tec) want to cash-in on a pre-existing audience, the least they can do is spare us their vain attempts at re-imagining the lore (which, to date, have landed about as gracefully as a dropped sack of potatoes — just look at Reacher, Cowboy Bebop, Ghost in the Shell or even Aeon FLux). Thinking you can write a better screenplay than Lee Child in less time than it takes him to finish a book is simply delusional so — stop trying.

If you already have an award-winning story on your hands, cast some actors to – y'know – Act It Out and leave it at that. It'll save you money on "writers" and it'll spare us cringing at yet another needlessly skewed interpretation of a beloved IP.

Unless you're trying to translate the full experience of a Bethesda production to film, in which case – keep doing what you're doing, I guess...

Fan-pig-dom

Know who gets an S-rank in adaptations? Teyon S.A., that's who!

I finished RoboCop: Rogue City earlier today and- It. Was. Awesome! Genuinely: by the end, my snout was moist with little nostalgic tears.

Unlike Amazon, Teyon knew exactly how to adapt a movie into a game and Rogue City gives you everything you'd want from the franchise without trying to re-invent the wheel. They know the reason you pick up a RoboCop game is – you guessed it – RoboCop! So rather than try and "dazzle" you with how clever they are (which, to be fair, is pretty darn clever); they give you a competent plot mainly staffed by movie standouts (such as Murphy, Lewis, The Old Man or Sgt. Reed) with their original characters (like Dr. Blanche, Pickles or Ulysses Washington) filling in the backdrop.

The result is a game that gives you the full movie experience with a plot that is – at the same time – original enough to stand on its own merits and integrated enough to seamlessly blend into the lore of RoboCop 1 and 2... If anyone wants pointers on how to faithfully adapt an existing IP into a different medium, Teyon is handing 'em out for free.

That said, my existing reservations about Rogue City stand: even though it has a New Game Plus mode (which lets you replay the story with higher stats), the game pretty much is a one-trick pony...

But it's a one-trick pony you want to ride.

You made a bear! (AI-remix)

In Endless Sky, I think I'm getting to the end of the Wanderer plot – and loving every minute of it.

Yesterday, by merging a terraforming AI with the collective intelligence of combative drones, my character and the Wanderers "made a bear" (or, in this case, a brand new race very concerned with the well-being of potted plants). Once again, this event shifted the state of the galaxy map – with previously hostile systems turning friendly – which (along with the unabated march of new ships and technologies) may well be my favorite aspect of this little gem of a game.

The best thing? In practice, all of these grand developments are just lines of text. There are no shiny graphics involved: no overpaid actors, no over-the-top effects — not even the odd orchestral accent to let you know what you experienced mattered and You Should Be In Awe... Nope. All Endless Sky gives you is a competently-written, eminently-likable story. And that Is All You Need.

Now, can a great story be enhanced by costly visual and aural additions? It sure can!

But, maybe, make sure the story has arms and legs first, yeah? Before you go and blow a hundred million dollars putting lipstick on a pig.

Onwards and slow-wards

With RoboCop done (sigh) and Endless Sky more of an occasional distraction than an ongoing process, all that remains between you and my Rogue Trader review is a couple hundred miles of (my) Last Train Home... Unless, I don't know, I get greedy and start playing before LTH is even finished. But what are the chances of that?

(obligatory) Oinks,

Pig