Fond as I am of an elaborate preamble, this time – let's cut to the chase: Dawn of War 2 is a simple, repetitive game that depends on slick graphics and Games Workshop frippery to conceal the fact its designers were fresh out of ideas.

Pitched as a Real Time Tactical game (RTT?) that does away with the base-building of its predecessor letting the player focus on small unit tactics, what it really most closely resembles is a slower-paced ARPG. You control up to four units at a time, each of which has its own specialization (like melee, ranged, or damage sponge) and comes with abilities you can trigger to change the flow of battle.

Cyrus and his scouts, for instance, are feeble in melee, but can sneak, deal a lot of damage sniping, toss demolition charges to destroy fortifications, or call in artillery strikes; while Thaddeus and his assault marines can quickly enter melee (their forte) by jumping, but are ineffective at range. By combining squad strengths and abilities, you are meant to quickly adapt-to and overcome tactical challenges as they arise on the battlefield...

The only problem is – there are no tactical challenges in Dawn of War 2.

Your enemies never do anything clever enough to warrant actual tactics. They just bunch up in a pile, advance and shoot. If they're winning, they press on. If they're losing, sometimes they'll retreat. And every now and again, they go inside a building.

The whole "Real Time Tactics" schtick basically boils down to remembering which squad is on which number key (1-4) and what button to press to trigger an ability.

Sure, there's cover you can hide behind and your troops will take more damage out of it (though not always); and running headlong into an ambush can quickly result in defeat... But you can also happily bunch your squads into a slowly moving pile of your own and liberally mow down anything that gets in your way. I did that through the whole, slogging campaign. It may have been convenient and surprisingly effective, but — tactical? — it most certainly was not.

Speaking of the campaign, you know how in horror movies, characters always act surprised at horror movie tropes despite existing in a world where – at least some of them – would have presumably watched horror movies, been aware of said tropes and wary of not, y'know, doing them? Yeah — like most Games Workshop titles before it — DOW2 also ticks that particular box.

Nothing new ever happens. No unexpected enemies appear – only the ones in the GW catalogue – and they never do anything surprising or untoward. Honestly, I would love a plot where the Tau and the Imperium enter into a trade agreement for a better, cheaper alien sprocket. Or one where the Eldar – what with their countless centuries of wisdom – would show some actual insight or enlightment or, at the very least, not act like complete dicks. Or one where the Guard, with its massive standing army, could hold its own in a conflict and not cower behind the Space Marines as they do Their Manly Best to save the day...

What we get instead is the only "plot" Games Workshop seems to have: you fight an enemy, who is being manipulated by another enemy, who is trying to overcome a third enemy, while a fourth enemy sits in the wings, fingers steepled, biding their time. Seriously, it's almost as if GW was trying to squeeze as many different factions into a story as possible to, I don't know, showcase the full range of figurines they peddle... Or something.

All the plot characters are nicely voiced, with distinct personalities and all, but what they have to say is such tedious, formulaic drivel, that Relic could have saved themselves money on the VO work and typed it out for much the same effect.

DOW2 characters have stats you can increase and equipment you can, er, equip, to customize them in a way best suited to your play style, but as every squad's core abilities mostly compliment what they were originally meant for, why you would develop them against the grain, as it were, is beyond me. Could you give your jump troops ranged weapons? Sure. But none of their abilities boost ranged combat, so... Yeah. It's odd game design and a definite head-scratcher.

All in all, I have nothing bad to say about the game's execution: this is Relic we're talking about here, after all. The graphics are nice and shiny, the sound is convincing, the VO actors shout and rant with conviction and the game runs smooth and didn't crash once.

But the underlying design is more like a slower, zoomed-out Diablo than a faster, real-time XCOM: it's shallow, repetitive, undemanding and – in the long run – unfulfilling and boring. And, as I always say, even the slickest execution on earth cannot overcome poor design.

In trying to focus on combat alone, Relic seems to have taken out the one, tactical element from Dawn of War – namely base-building and logistics. Which I know they realized was a mistake, because in DOW2's expansion – Retribution – they sorta try to slink back to it, with resource gathering, larger armies, pop-caps and actual, physical bases.

While Relic's lead designer touted Dawn of War 2 as "everything that was great about the original (combined) with the best that Company of Heroes had to offer," what it really most closely resembles is — League of Legends (which, to be honest, might have been the point): you run around on a map, mindlessly triggering abilities, defeating bosses, leveling up and collecting loot.

If that sounds like your cup of tea, by all means – give Dawn of War 2 a shot.

Pig (Does Not) Recommend:

• -buying DOW2 on GoG; the regular, exorbitant, price of 80 (!) USD nets you only one-third of the game, with the two co-op components (Multiplayer and Last Stand) locked for non-Galaxy users; so much for FCK DRM, eh GoG?